if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
