You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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