Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I believe in your delicious
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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