So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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