I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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