if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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