i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
