he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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