I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
