Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
