I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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