Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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