i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
