I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
