he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
