Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my shit smells like andre
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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