He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
