now i know why i became what i already was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
