I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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