everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
