So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize