And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
