I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
