She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize