I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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