I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize