you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
