pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
