The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
