They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
