Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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