For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
