I skipped work to stalk him.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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