Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
