Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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