I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
