So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
