More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
