I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
