I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
