Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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