Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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