if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize