White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
