i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
