Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
