at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
