the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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