My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
