I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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