im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
