Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
