Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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