Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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