I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
