she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
