so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
