that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
