I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize