You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
