OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
