Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
