Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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