it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
