i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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